What’s the deal with Financial Infidelity?

Cheating on your partner with money is a thing.  And for many, can be just as emotionally destructive as finding out about the sexual kind of infidelity.

Many admit to having lied to their partners about how much they earn, have spent, have borrowed or lent, especially to family members and friends.  It’s just a little lie right?

And although you may not feel the need to share every decision you make with your partner, little lies can lead to big ones.  Covering your tracks takes serious time and effort and if and when your partner discovers the extent of the cover-ups, things can get seriously out of hand.

Being upfront about your finances is about trust.  It’s much easier to achieve your joint financial goals when family funds are pooled and work together for the common good.

Others choose to keep their finances completely separate and private, but pool equal or set amounts into a joint fund to cover family expenses or goals such as combined holidays.  Either way, being upfront and honest about your financial commitments and obligations is paramount.

There’s plenty of reasons people don’t want to share, or won’t.  If you’ve been in a relationship before and have moved on, you may not want your new partner to know all the gory and intimate details of your financial life.  Others are just as happy to share.  It’s setting the expectations early and having regular money talks that can prevent massive issues down the track.

For those who’ve been in financially abusive relationships, there’s likely to be massive trust issues with sharing.  Financial abuse is rarely discussed, yet a widespread problem globally.  And I’m not talking about having a low budget for the groceries.  Financial abuse is about someone using money to exercise power and control in a relationship.

It covers everything from running up debts, defaulting on joint loans, putting a partner under inordinate amounts of pressure to reduce, limit or stop spending, even banning access to accounts.  No wonder those who’ve ‘been there before’ believe in maintaining some form of independence, including a completely hidden and private stash.

If you’d like to know more or think you may be experiencing financial abuse in your relationship, you can visit ASIC’s MoneySmart website to find out more.  Thankfully, there’s lots of options on where to turn if you think you’re a victim of financial abuse, or believe someone you know may be experiencing this kind of crisis.

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